How is it that I desire to do my own thing, to run my own life, to do as i please almost always thwarts what i have been called (by Christ) to do? I at all times seem to be focused on myself, my desires, what I have set out to accomplish for the day, the month, the year, my life. I am me! and I am the most important man in my life, the most important of all creation! I am Human the apex of creation. We are god to some and at times ( more times than not) god to our selves! but how is it that i could be god when in fact i did not create myself nor give myself life, nor can i conger up and create new life. Even if those who believe in an evolutionary proses and no creator live their lives as servants to themselves they do displeasure to the life giving process. What I want I should go and get, grab it by the balls and make it mine!
How convenient, the lie of our culture is that man is preeminent over all things, we walk around this earth with puffed up chests thinking just because we can explain how the world was made or how and why it functions that we are some how the cocks of the walk. We serve our selves before all others and watch out for number one. Some describe it as primal instinct and say, well it is a natural process and a part of life so just go with it.
I say this is the essence of the destruction of true Christianity!

The Beauty of Darkness

I found my self walking in a forest at the dark of night. The wind swirled gently through my hair as the fog rushed calmly over my feet, cleaning to the ground with all it had. The darkness swallowed up the light of the moon like the fish swallowed up Johna. As I walked the darkness became deeper and spoke with gloomy sadness. Like water twirling to the bottom of a funnel, I walked deeper into the cloud of blackness, looking up to the moon, He smiled and hid his face behind the clouds; as if to hid away from what was to come.
All at once, I was being overcome by the elements of the world. I resisted moving on but the wind with the grip of a father flung me forward! The earth caking upon my legs and feet solidifying like a statue, the water rushing like a typhoon, droning and choking the life from my eyes! Fire, like the breath of satin himself unleashing all of hells pain in one word upon the flesh of my heart. Voices that say nothing good were all that i could hear! screaming, yelling, hating and defying. It was dark!
I came torn and destroyed to the edge of the forest. I looked upon the open field before me, wheat flowing in the breeze laden with dew that shown like diamonds the moons reflection. Even in the darkness you were there. I see you now in a way I never saw you before. The moon is so beautiful now.

Water of Life

Like a waterfall to a jagged and protruding rock, fall upon me oh word and smooth my pride that jets out from my being. Wash away my protruding sin, sharp as a warrior’s sword. I have sharpened and refined the very weapon that holds me at deaths bay. I am split in two, as two different beings, unstable like the sea. Yet, deep within the caverns of my beating heart like a beast in the sleep of winter, your law stays dormant and quiet. Call out to me oh great Word, speaker of such greatness, funnel your words to my ears. Though your word cleans my mind, and set me at ease. Fall Spirit, like a blessed rain on my sinfully refined soul and wash away the clinging roughness to unveil the shining quarts within. May your power shine through white hot as fire, as radiant as the galaxies. Wash this man, Oh blessed cleaner of the utmost sickly fiend. I, the utmost sinner have merited such a name. By your word pour forth your reformation of my heart, your conquest of my soul. Set me forth for works laid out for me. Hold me against the light of your word, and make noticeable the unseen grime. You are, and always have been the perfect one whom for your glory and my shame died that you may own me once again. May I be eventually washed away by that water fall of life which springs from the Word. Sprit, convert this dirt and rock into living water which may flow in unison with the Fathers will and current!